Helloooo in there

A rainy evening at the lovely tennis courts my family and I love to play at

I’d say I’m at a pretty weird point in my life.

I graduated from college, I’ve moved back home, I’m in love, I went to Texas, I picked up rock climbing, I fed some street cats, I got mono for three weeks, I got better, I started my job, I broke my foot (the latter four happening in a month’s time), and that leaves us with the present.

I never really understood when people say they feel “lost” in their 20s. I thought I had it all figured out — graduate, get a well paying job in software engineering for a good company, work for a few years, quit my job and travel the world, then dedicate the rest of my life to animal conservation and to helping the planet. Sounds so simple on paper! Yet today, I’m so lost that I find myself unable to do many of my mundane day-to-day tasks unaided (trying to walk without crutches has been an unforgiving endeavor. Stupid 5th metatarsal -_-. Yeah, I know what that is now). I bicker with my family, I sit in bed for most of the day, I feel fed up with the hand I was dealt.

Queue that one part in Last Call by Kanye

I know I’m probably writing into the void, but if you’re reading this and feel similarly lost, I get it. I too feel like a lost little lamb. Being sick and being injured leave you with a lot of free time on your hands. And if you’ve got a mind that loves to wander like I do, you start to think about the sh!t you haven’t dug up in yeaaaars.

I’m talking rethinking if my passions are even worth pursuing. Are they really my life’s purpose? Or am I going to find myself stuck behind a computer screen for the rest of my life, writing meaningless code that doesn’t truly help anything or anyone? Am I going to achieve any of the things I’ve always wanted for myself? When will I move out n on n see the world?

I don’t have the answers to any of these questions. And there’s no point to have them rampantly perplex my brain. However, now you have caught a teeny tiny glimpse into the inner workings of my noggin and perhaps have a better picture of who the hell is writing all this crap.

I was told by my therapist today that there are two mentalities that I can choose to adopt; one being that of gratitude, even in life’s nastiest moments, and the other being the no-BS, take-no-prisoners Mamba mentality. I settled for a healthy mix of both. We’ll see where that gets me.

Til next time,